


Drowned

by Faiz



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Drowning, Gen, Suicide, family arguments, possible depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faiz/pseuds/Faiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders supposed that most people would feel terrified, panicked. But he just felt oddly calmed. Like all the weight was being lifted off his shoulders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowned

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to write something happy. That...didn't happen. I blame finishing my NaNoWriMo fic.

Anders and his brothers had been fighting a lot. Well, that wasn't saying much, because they always fought. They were fighting much more often than usual is what had been happening. Anders was slowly and slowly growing more weary. He didn't even want to get out of bed that often, and when he said in bed he didn't do anything. He could stay in bed for days and do nothing but stare at the wall or sleep. He just didn't feel like it was worth it, getting up and going to work. Dawn would yell at him, and then one of his brothers would call and then yell at him some more. Then he'd end up hating himself and getting blackout drunk and wake up with some random man or woman, and he wouldn't even remember what had happened the night before.

No, at that point he didn't care what was going on in the world around him. He just wanted to be alone. But like hell would anyone actually let him be alone as he wanted. Because soon after maybe a week of barely getting out of bed, only to go to the bathroom and maybe eat something, Mike had appeared. He had looked like he had been extremely ready to yell at Anders, but he froze midstep to see Anders just lying in front of the fridge. He was alive, yes, but he was nearly completely motionless staring at the bottom of the fridge like it held the answer to everything in the universe. That's when his brothers got worried about him.

The phone calls were endless. He would have to get up and go to work, and sure enough nearly every other day Ty was there to 'say hello' and check up on him to make sure nothing bad had happened. Anders felt completely smothered now. He wanted to be alone. He didn't think he would even be worth anyone's time anyways. He'd much prefer it if everyone just left him the fuck alone. Even at night he'd wonder to himself if they truly cared, or if they were worried that he'd kill himself and Bragi would be gone. They needed Bragi more than they had ever even needed Anders. And Anders hated that about himself. He put up a barrier around himself to make it seem like he didn't care, but he did. Quite a bit. He wanted to be loved for something that wasn't Bragi, but he wasn't sure if he knew how to live without Bragi there as a crutch anymore.

That's why he ended up finding himself standing at the edge of a pier, staring down into the water. He had always liked the water as a child. He wasn't sure if it was because his father was god of the sea that had influenced him so much, or if it was his own accord. But he remembered always imagining swimming along with the fishes, like he was a fish himself. He'd love going swimming, and he adored his fish. He missed his fish quite a bit now, they had been his only companions. They had died awhile ago, from Anders neglecting them because of how he didn't even want to get out of bed. He was standing very close to the edge, and he knew with a single flinch or a misstep he could be falling over the edge and into the water. 

He turned his head to look back at the beach. There were happy families there together on vacation. They were enjoying each other's presence while they basked in the sun and played in the sand. Anders could barely even remember having days like that with his own family. They always ended with someone arguing, or someone punching someone else. He never really liked his family getting together at all. He wished they could have been like those families on the beach, because maybe then they would have been happier. 

Anders had meant to take a step backwards, away from the edge. But he stumbled. And soon enough he was falling. He splashed into the water, hard. His face and body were stinging from the impact, and he was sinking slowly. He made no movements, and he didn't flail about trying to get back to the surface. He just kept his eyes closed and felt the water move around his body. It was like a blanket over his skin, and it felt cool, comfortable. Like a hug from a good friend you hadn't seen in awhile. It had been awhile since he had been in the ocean, and there he was. 

Anders supposed that most people would feel terrified, panicked. But he just felt oddly calmed. Like all the weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He felt almost happy as he began to descend even further into the ocean, and he knew that the light was getting darker, and his chest tighter. His body was crying out for air, but he still didn't do anything. Maybe it was for the best, him drowning. It was certainly a fitting death, given who their father was and how much Anders himself loved the water. Yes, it was fitting for him. He exhaled all the bubbles from his lungs, and accepted the water that was filling him. He thought about his brothers, and the rare occasions when they'd smile. When they'd truly be happy with each other and having a good time. He wondered if they'd miss him, if they'd look for him at all.

The thought of his brothers caring enough to search for him touched his heart.

And he smiled.


End file.
